I was speaking with a friend who is also having fertility issues and we got on the subject of annoying things we HATE to hear from other people. I've been told so many things that most people wouldn't find offensive...those people usually mean well, but it can really be frustrating to hear and witness some things that fertile people often take for granted. So, I have complied a list...keep in mind this is just for fun...of course, if you are guilty of saying or doing these...it's good to keep in mind that there are plenty of people who could really be upset by these.
1. "I'll be your surrogate!"
I feel guilty adding this to the top of the list. Mostly because literally every female I am close to has offered at some point or another to carry a baby for me. It's truly a sweet gesture because I have no doubt those ladies would be willing to do it but there's a few things that prevent me from taking comfort in this kind gesture.
- Even if I were to take these people up on these offers...it's super expensive to get pregnant with a surrogate. You basically have to pay someone to do an IVF treatment, which isn't guaranteed. Not to mention those ladies do not realized they'd have to go to the doctor multiple times a week, mess with their bodies hormones, and travel...they will also need to go though the entire pregnancy, deliver a baby, and go though the heartbreak of signing that child over to me. Surrogacy is a great option for some...it's just not an option for me.
2. "My friend couldn't get pregnant for ten years...now she has TWINS!"
Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love hearing these types of stories. I also selfishly get super sad. I am not naive enough to think EVERY infertile couple are able to have children. Just because it happened to one person, does not mean it will happen to you. Adding to that, not all women (and men) have the same issues. Some are more treatable than others...making miracle pregnancies a little more possible.
3. "Be patient...God has a plan for you!"
To be clear, I agree with that statement 100%. I included this in my top annoying list because it is something I struggle with the most. I've mentioned before, I am very impatient. God is still working with me on that. I KNOW without a doubt that God does have a plan for me. I will say, it makes me worried that those plans do not involve me ever being a mother. I'm still learning to trust God's judgement. Obviously, I really want a baby...I need to trust that God's plans are way better than my own. Because I do not know those plans at this moment, it's difficult to be patient. I know this is the whole reason why trusting God is important in these types of situations. So, until I can correct those impatient flaws of mine, this statement will always be annoying to me"
4. "You can always adopt!"
Yes, I can. And I plan to do so. Two things with this...Even adopting a child, it doesn't take away the pain of knowing you're body has failed you and you're not able to do the one thing you thought bodies were supposed to be able to do. Obviously I would love adopted/biological children the same...but it doesn't make it easy knowing one of your dreams is not an option. And number two...adoption is freaking expensive. It's also very hard. You can't just decide one day to pick out a child online and you instantly become that child's mother. If you want a newborn, you have to pay a ton of money for adoption fees...and go through the entire process of being able to be eligible to adopt. It's way easier (and cheaper) to just naturally have children. It is so sad to say, but it's the truth. There are tons of children who do need homes... but it's so hard and expensive to give them homes. You'll learn in a future post that I am in the process of foster/adopting... there are other options...but to adopt a child from the very beginning of it's life, it's just as difficult as having children naturally when you're dealing with infertility.
5. "When are you going to have a baby?"
I know people mean well. It doesn't help that I am super secretive and private. Not many people know I have been dealing with infertility. I don't even advertise this blog because I don't want anyone who knows me to know. Because of that, I get this question a lot. I usually laugh it off and say, "I don't know" or "Whenever God wants me to..." I try to brush it off and change the subject QUICK before I bust out in tears. Just a heads up for ANYONE reading this...don't ask questions like that... one, it's super personal. I don't care if it's your sister, friend, or a stranger you met at Walmart. You truly have no idea what a person is going though. Just because a person doesn't have children doesn't mean their infertile...but it could mean they aren't interested in having children at all. Either way, it's really no ones business. I will never understand why people put so much pressure on others to have children.
I could keep going but I will leave it at a top 5. I'm interested if anyone else has anything to add to the list. Thinking back, I've probably asked or said a few of these to other people when I was younger. Going through this has given me a complete new outlook on these type of things. It's always good to show a person you care. Sometimes people going through infertility just need a person to vent to...not someone who can offer advice. Personally, the last person I like getting advice from is from people who have a bunch of kids already. To all the fertile-Myrtles of the world, just be kind. Be understanding. Be patient. If a friend or a loved one is going through things and choose to confide in you -- JUST LISTEN. Also, choose your words wisely. You never know how a person is going to take what you say.
**Just a side note to those who have said these to me, I promise you, I don't take it to heart...I know you mean well...I just wanted to send a friendly reminder to those who may not be aware that words hurt. LOVE YOU!**
Tuesday, April 11, 2017
It's about time for an update...
So, I run a book blog but realized I hadn't posted in over a year...I read a really good book and saw my audience of over 1K was slowing losing interested and decided to blog again. Well, in the process I remembered about this blog and decided I should probably do an update.
My last entry was explaining that the IVF was unsuccessful. Well, there's a ton of things that happened after...here's a very quick summary of the last couple of years :
1. I decided to do another round of IVF --
No worries for those who would have been interested to read all about it. It never happened. What did happen is after about a year of being super sad after a failed IVF attempt, I decided to make an appointment to use our final embryo that we had stored. The WEEK we were scheduled for the first appointment to start the whole process over again my IVF nurse called to tell me that she was sorry but there was a mistake done by one of the nurses in charge of storage. WHAT?! Yeah, my thoughts exactly. It's something I am still pretty bitter about to this day because it's something you would hear about on TV, nothing that could possibly happen in real life -- or so I thought. They claimed the lady no longer worked with them because it wasn't the first incident this happened...but I stalk their FB page and have noticed her in some recent photos. If only I was one of those people who could speak their mind... Needless to say no IVF = no baby. And no more embryos or chances left for the IVF. They did offer to go through the entire process of IVF with them again. Um, pass.
2. WE MOVED!
Well, not really. We are located the same place but it's a new house. We have always lived in a private lot of all family members. We decided to get a bigger house as we still want to expand our family, however that may happen. We got a modular home. It has three bedrooms, so plenty of room to welcome a child (or three).
3. WE ARE BECOMING FOSTER PARENTS!
Now, this is the most recent update. I've always been interested in adopting/fostering ever since I had a good friend in high school who had some rotten luck in the foster care system. I wanted to foster him but of course, I was only a child myself. Well, 10 years later, I am finally becoming a foster parent. I actually started the process a couple months ago. I finished the PRIDE training and am currently waiting for the home assessment. We are aiming for a child that is 0-3. We may do some respite care for older children as well. Our goal is to foster-to-adopt. Our home assessment is NEXT MONDAY so I have been working hard to get my house together. We will be out of town this weekend for Easter, visiting my family. So, Sunday night should be super fun doing last minute laundry and cleaning in preparation! I know a lot of people are interested in the whole process -- I'll blog more about the process later. If anyone has specific questions, feel free to ask so I can include answers! Since we are planning on being a permanent home, should the need arise, we will probably have to wait slightly longer than the average foster parent for placement. I think we will mostly get placed with children who have a high probability of needing permanency placement (a forever home). We have had some rotten luck over these past several years, so I do worry about the potential heartbreak, but either way...it's something we both felt led to do.
Anyway, I just wanted to hit you all with the highlights of where we are at...I sort of left you hanging with the last post and didn't want you all to think we stopped our journey to parenthood. Definitely not the case with us. We are full speed ahead...
Funny story, when creating the title for this blog I was very particular about naming it. Early on I knew God had special plans for us. I didn't (and still) have no clue what those plans are, but I know it's a journey of FAITH. I also know it'll be a journey that leads us to "YOU". It may take us a while to understand just who that "YOU" may be...but it'll be a journey I know we will look back and know was worth all of this.
My last entry was explaining that the IVF was unsuccessful. Well, there's a ton of things that happened after...here's a very quick summary of the last couple of years :
1. I decided to do another round of IVF --
No worries for those who would have been interested to read all about it. It never happened. What did happen is after about a year of being super sad after a failed IVF attempt, I decided to make an appointment to use our final embryo that we had stored. The WEEK we were scheduled for the first appointment to start the whole process over again my IVF nurse called to tell me that she was sorry but there was a mistake done by one of the nurses in charge of storage. WHAT?! Yeah, my thoughts exactly. It's something I am still pretty bitter about to this day because it's something you would hear about on TV, nothing that could possibly happen in real life -- or so I thought. They claimed the lady no longer worked with them because it wasn't the first incident this happened...but I stalk their FB page and have noticed her in some recent photos. If only I was one of those people who could speak their mind... Needless to say no IVF = no baby. And no more embryos or chances left for the IVF. They did offer to go through the entire process of IVF with them again. Um, pass.
2. WE MOVED!
Well, not really. We are located the same place but it's a new house. We have always lived in a private lot of all family members. We decided to get a bigger house as we still want to expand our family, however that may happen. We got a modular home. It has three bedrooms, so plenty of room to welcome a child (or three).
3. WE ARE BECOMING FOSTER PARENTS!
Now, this is the most recent update. I've always been interested in adopting/fostering ever since I had a good friend in high school who had some rotten luck in the foster care system. I wanted to foster him but of course, I was only a child myself. Well, 10 years later, I am finally becoming a foster parent. I actually started the process a couple months ago. I finished the PRIDE training and am currently waiting for the home assessment. We are aiming for a child that is 0-3. We may do some respite care for older children as well. Our goal is to foster-to-adopt. Our home assessment is NEXT MONDAY so I have been working hard to get my house together. We will be out of town this weekend for Easter, visiting my family. So, Sunday night should be super fun doing last minute laundry and cleaning in preparation! I know a lot of people are interested in the whole process -- I'll blog more about the process later. If anyone has specific questions, feel free to ask so I can include answers! Since we are planning on being a permanent home, should the need arise, we will probably have to wait slightly longer than the average foster parent for placement. I think we will mostly get placed with children who have a high probability of needing permanency placement (a forever home). We have had some rotten luck over these past several years, so I do worry about the potential heartbreak, but either way...it's something we both felt led to do.
Anyway, I just wanted to hit you all with the highlights of where we are at...I sort of left you hanging with the last post and didn't want you all to think we stopped our journey to parenthood. Definitely not the case with us. We are full speed ahead...
Funny story, when creating the title for this blog I was very particular about naming it. Early on I knew God had special plans for us. I didn't (and still) have no clue what those plans are, but I know it's a journey of FAITH. I also know it'll be a journey that leads us to "YOU". It may take us a while to understand just who that "YOU" may be...but it'll be a journey I know we will look back and know was worth all of this.
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