It's nearly 4AM and under 30 degrees outside. I was laying in my warm, comfortable bed when it got laid on my heart to blog about a song that has been on my mind. And yes, I would have loved to have stayed in bed but, when the Lord tells you to blog about a song...you blog about a song...and don't question who it's for. Ironically, the song and the entire blog for the morning is about trusting God...because he does know what he's doing. It is my hope that this blog finds someone, someday in the right moment. It's for the person who is finding it harder to trust God's judgment, and even harder to find the patience to wait on the outcome. HE does know what he's doing... and if we can stick it out, we will see that there's a reason for all of the hurt, all of the disappointments, and all of the other stuff we had to endure to get to the light at the end of the seemingly never-ending tunnel.
The song is called He is With Us by Love and the Outcome.
Forgive my quick copy-and-paste job, but here are the lyrics (taken from lyrics.com)
Remember when your hope is lost and faith is shaken
Remember when you wonder if you're gonna make it
There's a hand stretched out through your deepest doubt
We can't pretend to see the ending or what's coming up ahead
To know the story of tomorrow
But we can stay close to the One who knows
We can trust our God
He knows what He's doing
Though it might hurt now
We won't be ruined
It might seem there's an ocean in between
But He's holding on to you and me
And He's never gonna leave, no
He is with us, He is with us
Always, always
He is with us, He is with us
Always
We believe there is purpose, there is meaning in everything
We surrender to His leading
He wants nothing more than to have us close
We can trust our God
He knows what He's doing
Though it might hurt now
We won't be ruined
It might seem there's an ocean in between
But He's holding on to you and me
And He's never gonna leave, no
He is with us, He is with us
Always, always
He is with us, He is with us
Always
Our faith is sealed
Our hope is real
Come what may
We're not afraid
Our faith is sealed
Our hope is real
Come what may
We're not afraid
We're not afraid
We can trust our God
Always, always
We can trust our God
Always, always
We can trust our God
He knows what He's doing
Though it might hurt now
We won't be ruined
It might seem there's an ocean in between
But He's holding on to you and me
And He's never gonna leave, no
He is with us, He is with us
Always, always
He is with us, He is with us
Always, always
He is with us, He is with us
Always, always
He is with us, He is with us
Always
Our God is with us
***Now that you've read the lyrics... go YouTube the song. Better yet, buy it from ITUNES or wherever people get their music from these days. Seriously a very powerful song. Now, I don't cry like a normal person--I just get overcome with a great sadness that would be equivalent to how a person feels when they cry, or so I would think. Anyway... this song gets me every time. I feel like this song was written for me. Of course, I'm sure everyone has that one song they feel like that towards but seriously... this song has really spoke to me and made me keep the faith and remember that I need to quit questioning God's plan for me. I imagine wherever I end up, there's going to be a purpose for this entire situation.
Let's be honest, infertility really sucks. I truly hope someday my story will be used as an encouragement to others...if only one person. As much as I want God to use me as an example, I have to be selfish and hope that my story has a happy ending.
As a side note, I've noticed my favorite blogs I read all have the same thing in common--PICTURES. I have noticed even blogs from people with a seemingly dull life have awesome blogs because of the pictures on there. Which has led me to the conclusion that I probably have an extremely lame blog due to lack of pictures. I sure hope whoever decides to read my blog is more of a reader instead of a picture-person. But let's face it, people are picture people. Anyone who has me on Facebook knows I have tons of pictures to share...however, with this story--I have chosen to remain anonymous as much as possible. I do not share this blog with friends and family (not presently, anyway). People who read my blog are ones who stumble upon it by chance. One day, when I feel like it needs to be shared publicly, I'll be more open about pictures and sharing on social networks. For now, it is just between me and...well, technically everyone with internet. Lucky for me, I have a lame blog without pictures so there hasn't been too much attention to it.
Especially this blog posting...who is going to stumble upon this blog and actually read this long of a posting WITHOUT any pictures added?
Well, I was just being obedient and blogging about this--I'm not sure who it is for...or when it's for. For all I know it could be discovered in 10 years by someone right at the right moment. I didn't want to wait until morning.
I'll end this extremely long blog with a reminder to trust God, especially in the tough times. Forget doctors or what other people tell us. Don't think your life is over because things don't go your way. It's not up to us in how our life turns out. God's plans are much bigger than anything we could possibly dream of. So, keep the faith...trust God. It hurts now, but it'll be worth it in the end. :-)
xoxo
Monday, December 2, 2013
Friday, October 25, 2013
Beta Results
Sorry I've been a little MIA on here. I kept telling myself to update the blog, but I've been lacking the motivation to do so. Unfortunately this is not a happy blog post. And as if it's not bad enough typing up a sad blog, my stupid computer deleted the entire blog after I wrote it out...so here goes take two:
My beta was negative. I woke up bright and early to take my blood test and after the dreaded wait, I finally called my clinic for results. The hospital didn't send them over so they tracked them down. My IVF nurse called me back and said unfortunately, the results were negative. She reminded me of the spare embryo we had and said I could schedule an appointment with my doctor if I chose to do so. I plan to make an appointment to see him to figure out what went wrong. I don't want to go threw this again if it's not going to work. My sweet sisters said they'd carry the baby if there is something more wrong with my body. So, I still have options. Not that it makes the loss any easier...
So, obviously this has been really upsetting for me and "R" but I haven't really broke down yet. I really don't cry often but I imagine I'll break a nail or something and just break down completely. I've been avoiding talking about it...I haven't really talked about it at all. I told my sisters and they passed the word around for me.... they keep wanting to talk about it but I don't think they get the hint when I change the subject....I know they're just trying to help though, it's sweet.
As if getting the negative test results wasn't bad enough, I've got the AF from he** to remind me that this didn't work. What I didn't know before starting this is the cycle after a failed IVF is WAY worse. I learned that since the medications make the lining so thick, you have so much extra to shed...I'm going to spare the gory details but, for those of you who may possibly experience a failed IVF (and I hope none of you do...), it's bad...and you're not dying....you just feel like you are.
I haven't taken any time off from work to recover physically/emotionally/mentally...but I didn't really need to. We're really slow and I've been training for something new so I'm really not doing anything anyway.
As a psychology major, I've always self-diagnosed myself and psycho-analyzed everything I do. I've decided I'm still in the denial stage of grief...I haven't fully accepted or allowed myself to really think about it, I've just been numb to the whole thing, avoiding the topic. I'm sure eventually I'll become angry and then can work threw it all but I think for now, I'll just take the numbness and prepare for a breakdown when I least expect it. :-P
So, that's the update for now. It may be a while before I update again...possibly after I see my doctor and talk about the IVF cycle we just did.... so, although this wasn't successful...we're not giving up. Keepin' on Keepin' the faith. It'll happen someday.
My beta was negative. I woke up bright and early to take my blood test and after the dreaded wait, I finally called my clinic for results. The hospital didn't send them over so they tracked them down. My IVF nurse called me back and said unfortunately, the results were negative. She reminded me of the spare embryo we had and said I could schedule an appointment with my doctor if I chose to do so. I plan to make an appointment to see him to figure out what went wrong. I don't want to go threw this again if it's not going to work. My sweet sisters said they'd carry the baby if there is something more wrong with my body. So, I still have options. Not that it makes the loss any easier...
So, obviously this has been really upsetting for me and "R" but I haven't really broke down yet. I really don't cry often but I imagine I'll break a nail or something and just break down completely. I've been avoiding talking about it...I haven't really talked about it at all. I told my sisters and they passed the word around for me.... they keep wanting to talk about it but I don't think they get the hint when I change the subject....I know they're just trying to help though, it's sweet.
As if getting the negative test results wasn't bad enough, I've got the AF from he** to remind me that this didn't work. What I didn't know before starting this is the cycle after a failed IVF is WAY worse. I learned that since the medications make the lining so thick, you have so much extra to shed...I'm going to spare the gory details but, for those of you who may possibly experience a failed IVF (and I hope none of you do...), it's bad...and you're not dying....you just feel like you are.
I haven't taken any time off from work to recover physically/emotionally/mentally...but I didn't really need to. We're really slow and I've been training for something new so I'm really not doing anything anyway.
As a psychology major, I've always self-diagnosed myself and psycho-analyzed everything I do. I've decided I'm still in the denial stage of grief...I haven't fully accepted or allowed myself to really think about it, I've just been numb to the whole thing, avoiding the topic. I'm sure eventually I'll become angry and then can work threw it all but I think for now, I'll just take the numbness and prepare for a breakdown when I least expect it. :-P
So, that's the update for now. It may be a while before I update again...possibly after I see my doctor and talk about the IVF cycle we just did.... so, although this wasn't successful...we're not giving up. Keepin' on Keepin' the faith. It'll happen someday.
Friday, October 18, 2013
POAS Addict && the dreaded 2ww
It is Friday, October 18, 2013.... three days before my beta....and it cannot come soon enough. Honestly, after returning from Florida, I was perfectly content enjoying being PUPO (Pregnant until proven otherwise). I didn't even really consider taking a home pregnancy test, I knew it'd be way too early...since then, however, I've become a POAS addict. For those of you lucky enough to not know all of these terms infertile people use, POAS means Pee on a Stick....ya know, taking a pregnancy test. What all IVFers are told NOT to do before the beta. However, I am not a very patient person, I've never been good at listening, anyway. So.... Wednesday I took my first test. It had the faintest of faint lines. The type of faint where you could only see holding up at a certain angle, from certain amounts of light, from a very short distance. My husband couldn't see it at all...but--it was truly a line, despite what he believed haha. I promise I wasn't imagining things. So, after much convincing from him, I decided to wait a few more days to test...in hopes of getting a darker line...at least a line visible to the both of us. I tested again this morning....and there was absolutely nothing there. I tried everything to force a line there by manipulating the way I held the test, but no luck. Worse mistake ever, now I've turned into a POAS addict. Luckily, there's only three days left to put me out of my misery.
My IVF nurse told me to stay off google, but I can't. I'm getting mixed reviews...everyone saying 10dp3dt (ten days past three day transfer) is way too early to test...but there are plenty of others who have gotten positive. So, I'm freaking out. I honestly feel pregnant. Yes, progesterone and my other medications mimic pregnancy symptoms. But, I just FEEL pregnant...physically, emotionally, and mentally. I guess I just have so much faith, even that negative pregnancy test this morning didn't completely make me give up hope. Of course, I'm a little nervous thinking that it didn't work but I just can't let myself think that far ahead.
So, as for my symptoms for this dreaded two week wait (Just a reminder, I am completely aware that the medications can be the cause of these symptoms-- it's just good to have some sort of reminder that there's possibly a baby or two growing inside of you).
So, like I was saying, the symptoms: I'm somewhat morning sick...ish? I have to eat every few hours or I am really sick! I normally don't eat much, I never have much of an appetite. Since this is a public blog, I wont add too much TMI in case somehow someone I know comes across this site, but... for anyone interested-- My left boob has become sore-- just the left. Also, I'm having REALLY vivid dreams. I normally don't remember having dreams at night, so that's why I am counting this as a symptom... of course, it could be because I have so much on my mind.
For anyone who is going through this or possibly going to go through-- I'll give you the same advice I was given-- stay busy!! If it wasn't for work, family, and television... I'd be obsessed with google and peeing on things.... well, pregnancy tests at least :-P
So, I've texted my hubby and he's going to pick up a few more test on his way home from work... I plan to take them until two lines appear.... really, my body has no choice but to become pregnant.... I feel like this is a good plan :-)
Tomorrow I have a family get-together.... and Sunday I have the day off thanks to an awesome co-worker who needed extra hours the same time I needed a break. So, I will probably spend all day Sunday anxiously awaiting for my beta the next day and peeing on pregnancy tests until one is positive. I will probably wait to blog after the beta. Depending on how it goes and what I have to do that day, I'll post an update as soon as I can.
Here's to hoping my next post has a more exciting subject... ;-)
My IVF nurse told me to stay off google, but I can't. I'm getting mixed reviews...everyone saying 10dp3dt (ten days past three day transfer) is way too early to test...but there are plenty of others who have gotten positive. So, I'm freaking out. I honestly feel pregnant. Yes, progesterone and my other medications mimic pregnancy symptoms. But, I just FEEL pregnant...physically, emotionally, and mentally. I guess I just have so much faith, even that negative pregnancy test this morning didn't completely make me give up hope. Of course, I'm a little nervous thinking that it didn't work but I just can't let myself think that far ahead.
So, as for my symptoms for this dreaded two week wait (Just a reminder, I am completely aware that the medications can be the cause of these symptoms-- it's just good to have some sort of reminder that there's possibly a baby or two growing inside of you).
So, like I was saying, the symptoms: I'm somewhat morning sick...ish? I have to eat every few hours or I am really sick! I normally don't eat much, I never have much of an appetite. Since this is a public blog, I wont add too much TMI in case somehow someone I know comes across this site, but... for anyone interested-- My left boob has become sore-- just the left. Also, I'm having REALLY vivid dreams. I normally don't remember having dreams at night, so that's why I am counting this as a symptom... of course, it could be because I have so much on my mind.
For anyone who is going through this or possibly going to go through-- I'll give you the same advice I was given-- stay busy!! If it wasn't for work, family, and television... I'd be obsessed with google and peeing on things.... well, pregnancy tests at least :-P
So, I've texted my hubby and he's going to pick up a few more test on his way home from work... I plan to take them until two lines appear.... really, my body has no choice but to become pregnant.... I feel like this is a good plan :-)
Tomorrow I have a family get-together.... and Sunday I have the day off thanks to an awesome co-worker who needed extra hours the same time I needed a break. So, I will probably spend all day Sunday anxiously awaiting for my beta the next day and peeing on pregnancy tests until one is positive. I will probably wait to blog after the beta. Depending on how it goes and what I have to do that day, I'll post an update as soon as I can.
Here's to hoping my next post has a more exciting subject... ;-)
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
3 day transfer
As promised, I am posting to update on my 3dt (three day transfer)! For anyone who has ever gone threw IVF, a lot of people think the full bladder on transfer day is the worse. The cool thing about my doctor is that he has a machine that actually doesn't work well unless you have an empty bladder. I have a very tiny bladder so I wasn't surprised when he made me go pee halfway threw because it was full just after 20 minutes of using the bathroom.
So, after I got undressed below the waist, I was told all three embryos were doing well! After a little lecture about the risk of multiples, I signed with my doctor to allow for two embryos to be transferred. What is so exciting is that the two embryos were very good--8 cells and not much fragmentation at all (all good things when it comes to embryos). Obviously, it isn't a sure bet they will both stick BUT.... it does raise the odds a bit.
My husband and I hold pretty strong feelings on topics such as abortion/selective reduction....that kind of thing. The doctor wanted to know where we stood on this (just in case). He asked, "What will you do if it is multiples...." Hubby spoke up really fast on this one and said..."Then we're raising two!" haha I just busted out laughing, usually I'd give him "the look" for sounding rude but, I would have probably answered about the same if I had time. The doctor learned pretty quickly where we stood on that and we were good to go.
The transfer itself was a little painful, I'm sure the valium made it a lot more comfortable for me though. Once we seen where the embryos were placed, I forgot all about the pain. They double checked to make sure they were in and then I laid back for about 15 minutes. After that, I got up and left...now just taking it easy. I've put myself on bed rest for today...we got the OK to come home tomorrow or Thursday, depending on the weather... I almost want to go ahead and go home to see my puppy and rest up at home where I have family to spoil me for a while until I head back to work on Friday!
I cramp on and off but as of right now, I feel fine...just tired. I'm just doing some hard core praying and hoping for the best! I take the blood test in 12 days to confirm a pregnancy, so I'm so excited for that. I am not sure when I'll post again for an update. I'm an extremely impatient person so I feel like this 2ww (two week wait) is going to be awful on me. I have to resist from taking an EPT. I feel like by day 9 past transfer I'll take one...even though I know I shouldn't. I just know myself too well! Well, I am back to laying down and waiting to take my last progesterone shot....tomorrow starts the "easier" drugs-- aspirin, prenatal, and a couple pills that have to go.... not in my mouth.
So, until next time... :-)
So, after I got undressed below the waist, I was told all three embryos were doing well! After a little lecture about the risk of multiples, I signed with my doctor to allow for two embryos to be transferred. What is so exciting is that the two embryos were very good--8 cells and not much fragmentation at all (all good things when it comes to embryos). Obviously, it isn't a sure bet they will both stick BUT.... it does raise the odds a bit.
My husband and I hold pretty strong feelings on topics such as abortion/selective reduction....that kind of thing. The doctor wanted to know where we stood on this (just in case). He asked, "What will you do if it is multiples...." Hubby spoke up really fast on this one and said..."Then we're raising two!" haha I just busted out laughing, usually I'd give him "the look" for sounding rude but, I would have probably answered about the same if I had time. The doctor learned pretty quickly where we stood on that and we were good to go.
The transfer itself was a little painful, I'm sure the valium made it a lot more comfortable for me though. Once we seen where the embryos were placed, I forgot all about the pain. They double checked to make sure they were in and then I laid back for about 15 minutes. After that, I got up and left...now just taking it easy. I've put myself on bed rest for today...we got the OK to come home tomorrow or Thursday, depending on the weather... I almost want to go ahead and go home to see my puppy and rest up at home where I have family to spoil me for a while until I head back to work on Friday!
I cramp on and off but as of right now, I feel fine...just tired. I'm just doing some hard core praying and hoping for the best! I take the blood test in 12 days to confirm a pregnancy, so I'm so excited for that. I am not sure when I'll post again for an update. I'm an extremely impatient person so I feel like this 2ww (two week wait) is going to be awful on me. I have to resist from taking an EPT. I feel like by day 9 past transfer I'll take one...even though I know I shouldn't. I just know myself too well! Well, I am back to laying down and waiting to take my last progesterone shot....tomorrow starts the "easier" drugs-- aspirin, prenatal, and a couple pills that have to go.... not in my mouth.
So, until next time... :-)
Monday, October 7, 2013
Embryo update
As of 12:30 pm we have three "beautiful embryos" according to my RE. Yesterday we were told out of the four, three fertilized. Today was supposed to be our TWO day transfer. "R" made a joke saying he bets when we get down there he'll want to do it the next day--surprise, surprise-- that's what happened. But, honestly, I think I like the idea of a 3 day transfer over the 2 day, it'll give him more time to see which one(s) are the strongest and most likely to make it. I'm just so relieved they're all still ok. Tomorrow at 11:30pm is the for sure transfer day--we hope!
I had already taken my valium and was prepared emotionally/physically for this...but, that's okay. He prescribed me another one so it's going to be a repeat of tomorrow.
So, I'm so pumped for tomorrow!! I just pray the three embryos make it over night and hold on. I'm really worried because today the doctor seemed to think he was only putting one back in... he told us earlier in this process he'd be willing to do two. I just don't want to go through all of this without a baby in the end. I'm not sure if that makes me selfish or smart? I know the risks for multiples... I'd be completely fine with two and would take all the extra steps to ensure a safe pregnancy/delivery--I was planning on doing that with one baby, anyway.
So, Friday I go back to work--not looking forward to that at all. I hope I remember how to do everything. "R" still has until Monday to go back to work--lucky him! I think we may leave early Thursday morning to give me some time to rest and get back to spend some quality time with my adorable puppy who has been enjoying her time with her grandma...I'd be surprised if she wants to come back home because she's been having so much time playing with her sister and eating homemade chicken, steak, and whatever else my MIL has been spoiling her with. :-)
So, I'll try to update tomorrow, not sure if I'll be on strict bed rest requiring me to lay a certain way or not but once I'm able to sit up and have some free time, I'll update as soon as possible. Tonight, I'm just praying the embryos will be safe and tomorrow goes as well as we hope!
I had already taken my valium and was prepared emotionally/physically for this...but, that's okay. He prescribed me another one so it's going to be a repeat of tomorrow.
So, I'm so pumped for tomorrow!! I just pray the three embryos make it over night and hold on. I'm really worried because today the doctor seemed to think he was only putting one back in... he told us earlier in this process he'd be willing to do two. I just don't want to go through all of this without a baby in the end. I'm not sure if that makes me selfish or smart? I know the risks for multiples... I'd be completely fine with two and would take all the extra steps to ensure a safe pregnancy/delivery--I was planning on doing that with one baby, anyway.
So, Friday I go back to work--not looking forward to that at all. I hope I remember how to do everything. "R" still has until Monday to go back to work--lucky him! I think we may leave early Thursday morning to give me some time to rest and get back to spend some quality time with my adorable puppy who has been enjoying her time with her grandma...I'd be surprised if she wants to come back home because she's been having so much time playing with her sister and eating homemade chicken, steak, and whatever else my MIL has been spoiling her with. :-)
So, I'll try to update tomorrow, not sure if I'll be on strict bed rest requiring me to lay a certain way or not but once I'm able to sit up and have some free time, I'll update as soon as possible. Tonight, I'm just praying the embryos will be safe and tomorrow goes as well as we hope!
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Trigger && Egg Retrieval
There is so much to update on this post. As I write this I have just woke up from a nap to try and recover from the egg retrieval. So, here's what has happened since my last post from Monday's appointment. Wednesday I had another sonogram that showed my biggest follicle at 18mm and about 10 smaller ones around 10mm. So, We left Wednesday night and made it to Florida around 5am Thursday...my appointment wasn't until 830 that morning so I sort of took a nap at the hospital until time to go in.
I had to give more blood and they checked the follicles again... now I was showing 2 follicles measuring 23 and 25mm.... my IVF nurse from back home said he'd want them to be about 20mm before the trigger shot so this was good news for me!! I did a little shopping and ate something and we checked into the hotel. Three hours into sleeping I got the phone call...seemed pretty urgent asking me to get to the hospital because my estrogen level actually DROPPED. Of course I googled the entire trip to the hospital but once I got there she basically said this means I'm ready for triggered--which they assumed would be that night anyway. So, "R" got a lesson in how to inject me...this one went into the butt muscle...which left me feeling bruised until today... Also, they changed my trigger...I had Lupron but they changed it to HCG. I was so worried I'd have to buy that new one and wasted money on the Lupron....luckily they let me change...I gave them my Lupron, they gave me the donated HCG they had--so this worked out well!
At 10:30pm Thursday night I triggered. Saturday (today) at 9:30 was my scheduled Egg retrieval. I had to get there by 9am to get prepped... Once I got there I had to change into the hospital gown, the very stylish hair net and put the little sock booties over my socks. I laid down in the procedure room and the anesthesiologist gave me a run down on what he was going to do. I got the IV put in my hand (thankfully, giving my arms a rest--I am already starting to look like a junkie with both arm veins blown from so many times of giving blood). I also got the little heart sticky things on, oxygen and probably some other stuff I just can't fully remember at the moment.
The worse part about this was probably whatever they shot in me to numb my hand... that really stung... but I didn't feel the IV go in. So, The doctor came in and my Florida IVF nurse and we just talked and he asked if I had questions. Then they told me I'd be getting sleepy drugs.... I was really worried about being put to sleep because I've never had to do it before. Before I went in I kept telling my husband I was worried I wouldn't go to sleep and they'd think I was asleep. The last thing I remember is one of the doctors saying, "your arm is going to hurt but that's just the medicine going in." I really wanted to say "yeah, I feel it" but I was too sleepy to say anything... I said a little prayer and thought I had just went to sleep.
I woke up to my IVF nurse and she said I talked in my sleep and said that I told them, "by the way, I'm still awake!" so they pushed more medicine. I don't remember that at all so I'm not sure if I was really sleeping or awake talking...either way, the medicine must have done the trick.
While I was in the procedure, "R" did his thing and he said it was so awkward... he said the nurse put in a "special movie" in and he was a little freaked out haha... he said he turned the TV off but was grossed out by touching the remote. He said he just wanted to get it done with and get out of that room haha.
When I woke up, I got dressed and was talking and everything was fine. I was freezing from the medicine and a little tired and sore but nothing too bad.
After we left the hospital I got my list of new drugs and was told he was doing a 2-day transfer. I'm scheduled to go back Monday at noon...I'm really not sure how I feel about that. Also, I was told they only got four eggs...I'm so worried about that but I have faith we will get at least one to fertilize, if not all four--praying hard they make it! My husband was told by the doctor they got 8 eggs... and the nurse said 4...so, I'm not sure what happened to the other 4. Like I've said before, I don't really have a lot of trust in the doctor. All trust in God, though.
So, I went to Krystal burger and ate...been drinking lots of Gatorade. I was told when I woke up I'd feel like I had been kicked in the stomach by a horse...I was prepared for that. What I wasn't prepared for is the extreme pain...I am having trouble breathing...I can't laugh...it hurts so bad to pee and walk...it's just so much pain right now. If my laptop wasn't right beside of me, I probably wouldn't be blogging right now....it even hurts to sit up in bed.
At 8 I'll take progesterone.... at 11 I'll take the second pill of the doxycycline. Ryan is finished with the antibiotics, now it's my turn. Earlier today I took the aspirin, prenatal vitamin, and a couple of other pills. I'll take these all until transfer day on Monday, then will get a new calendar of medications to take throughout at least the 2ww. I dread the 2 week wait, I'm the most impatient person in the world. I think my biggest issue will be avoiding taking a pregnancy test, but I know if I do it'll lead to disappointment or false hope. I'm hoping I'll feel better tomorrow, we planned on going to St. Augustine and the beach...yesterday we went to the zoo and did some more shopping.
We will hear back tomorrow how my eggs are doing and how they fertilized so, praying for good news!! I'll either blog tomorrow or the next day. :-)
I had to give more blood and they checked the follicles again... now I was showing 2 follicles measuring 23 and 25mm.... my IVF nurse from back home said he'd want them to be about 20mm before the trigger shot so this was good news for me!! I did a little shopping and ate something and we checked into the hotel. Three hours into sleeping I got the phone call...seemed pretty urgent asking me to get to the hospital because my estrogen level actually DROPPED. Of course I googled the entire trip to the hospital but once I got there she basically said this means I'm ready for triggered--which they assumed would be that night anyway. So, "R" got a lesson in how to inject me...this one went into the butt muscle...which left me feeling bruised until today... Also, they changed my trigger...I had Lupron but they changed it to HCG. I was so worried I'd have to buy that new one and wasted money on the Lupron....luckily they let me change...I gave them my Lupron, they gave me the donated HCG they had--so this worked out well!
At 10:30pm Thursday night I triggered. Saturday (today) at 9:30 was my scheduled Egg retrieval. I had to get there by 9am to get prepped... Once I got there I had to change into the hospital gown, the very stylish hair net and put the little sock booties over my socks. I laid down in the procedure room and the anesthesiologist gave me a run down on what he was going to do. I got the IV put in my hand (thankfully, giving my arms a rest--I am already starting to look like a junkie with both arm veins blown from so many times of giving blood). I also got the little heart sticky things on, oxygen and probably some other stuff I just can't fully remember at the moment.
The worse part about this was probably whatever they shot in me to numb my hand... that really stung... but I didn't feel the IV go in. So, The doctor came in and my Florida IVF nurse and we just talked and he asked if I had questions. Then they told me I'd be getting sleepy drugs.... I was really worried about being put to sleep because I've never had to do it before. Before I went in I kept telling my husband I was worried I wouldn't go to sleep and they'd think I was asleep. The last thing I remember is one of the doctors saying, "your arm is going to hurt but that's just the medicine going in." I really wanted to say "yeah, I feel it" but I was too sleepy to say anything... I said a little prayer and thought I had just went to sleep.
I woke up to my IVF nurse and she said I talked in my sleep and said that I told them, "by the way, I'm still awake!" so they pushed more medicine. I don't remember that at all so I'm not sure if I was really sleeping or awake talking...either way, the medicine must have done the trick.
While I was in the procedure, "R" did his thing and he said it was so awkward... he said the nurse put in a "special movie" in and he was a little freaked out haha... he said he turned the TV off but was grossed out by touching the remote. He said he just wanted to get it done with and get out of that room haha.
When I woke up, I got dressed and was talking and everything was fine. I was freezing from the medicine and a little tired and sore but nothing too bad.
After we left the hospital I got my list of new drugs and was told he was doing a 2-day transfer. I'm scheduled to go back Monday at noon...I'm really not sure how I feel about that. Also, I was told they only got four eggs...I'm so worried about that but I have faith we will get at least one to fertilize, if not all four--praying hard they make it! My husband was told by the doctor they got 8 eggs... and the nurse said 4...so, I'm not sure what happened to the other 4. Like I've said before, I don't really have a lot of trust in the doctor. All trust in God, though.
So, I went to Krystal burger and ate...been drinking lots of Gatorade. I was told when I woke up I'd feel like I had been kicked in the stomach by a horse...I was prepared for that. What I wasn't prepared for is the extreme pain...I am having trouble breathing...I can't laugh...it hurts so bad to pee and walk...it's just so much pain right now. If my laptop wasn't right beside of me, I probably wouldn't be blogging right now....it even hurts to sit up in bed.
At 8 I'll take progesterone.... at 11 I'll take the second pill of the doxycycline. Ryan is finished with the antibiotics, now it's my turn. Earlier today I took the aspirin, prenatal vitamin, and a couple of other pills. I'll take these all until transfer day on Monday, then will get a new calendar of medications to take throughout at least the 2ww. I dread the 2 week wait, I'm the most impatient person in the world. I think my biggest issue will be avoiding taking a pregnancy test, but I know if I do it'll lead to disappointment or false hope. I'm hoping I'll feel better tomorrow, we planned on going to St. Augustine and the beach...yesterday we went to the zoo and did some more shopping.
We will hear back tomorrow how my eggs are doing and how they fertilized so, praying for good news!! I'll either blog tomorrow or the next day. :-)
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
A light at the end of the IVF tunnel
So, we are officially leaving Wednesday night to go to Florida. I have about 12 follicles ranging in the 8-14mm range. Only one 14 mm.... several 10 and 12 mm and a few 8mm that need to catch up. I'm still taking the 3 bravelle to 1 menopur. Gannirellix SUCKS. It burns so bad....I end up with a terrible red patch for a few hours after the injection. Also, the needle is really dull so I actually have to push it in and sort of wiggle it around to get it to go in. It's pretty awful.
I'm not even half-way packed up to leave tomorrow. Haven't made the final reservations for the hotel reservations and there's so much to do! I have my last ultrasound here in the morning, coming home to sleep (hopefully) then leaving around 7pm. I am hoping to get my school work done and all of the packing finished in time to go. I'm so excited but it's just such a stressful trip to plan out last minute. My doctor can't even tell me how long I'll be down there. I am praying my work will cooperate with me missing some more days and I just hope we can find a hotel for the extra days we need to stay.
When I first created this blog the name "our journey to you" was taken...I had to add in "faithful" and I'm so glad I did...this truly is a journey of faith. I think a lot of the time people put their faith in the wrong people or things.... we have our faith placed in God alone. We can't trust our doctors... we are just praying and faithfully believing that God is looking out for us...we know he has as seen in the miracles that's been coming our way since we started this entire process nearly 4 years ago... and we continue to see all of the amazing things happening every single day.
So, I will try to update after my Thursday morning appointment in Florida...I sort of dread seeing the doctor, he's usually pretty rude and not very helpful...however, I am getting closer to becoming a momma which is so exciting. We've got a long of major decisions to make as far as storing extra embryos and how many embryos to transfer back... this is a really overwhelming process but we are almost finished....we are finally seeing a light at the end of the long IVF tunnel.
I'm not even half-way packed up to leave tomorrow. Haven't made the final reservations for the hotel reservations and there's so much to do! I have my last ultrasound here in the morning, coming home to sleep (hopefully) then leaving around 7pm. I am hoping to get my school work done and all of the packing finished in time to go. I'm so excited but it's just such a stressful trip to plan out last minute. My doctor can't even tell me how long I'll be down there. I am praying my work will cooperate with me missing some more days and I just hope we can find a hotel for the extra days we need to stay.
When I first created this blog the name "our journey to you" was taken...I had to add in "faithful" and I'm so glad I did...this truly is a journey of faith. I think a lot of the time people put their faith in the wrong people or things.... we have our faith placed in God alone. We can't trust our doctors... we are just praying and faithfully believing that God is looking out for us...we know he has as seen in the miracles that's been coming our way since we started this entire process nearly 4 years ago... and we continue to see all of the amazing things happening every single day.
So, I will try to update after my Thursday morning appointment in Florida...I sort of dread seeing the doctor, he's usually pretty rude and not very helpful...however, I am getting closer to becoming a momma which is so exciting. We've got a long of major decisions to make as far as storing extra embryos and how many embryos to transfer back... this is a really overwhelming process but we are almost finished....we are finally seeing a light at the end of the long IVF tunnel.
Friday, September 27, 2013
Little breakdowns and venting moment
Anyone who knows me at all knows that I do not cry...or even really show that I'm upset...well, at least in front of other people. I'm really the type of person who sucks it up and just deals with situations because most of the time getting mad or crying isn't really solving anything. Well, today that was not me...and I totally blame the medications for messing up my hormones and causing my meltdown.
I guess I should start off by saying I'm NOT in Florida. I SHOULD be in the car on the way but my doctor appointment didn't go as well as we had planned...
So, as thankful as I am to the clinic and my doctor for working with me to get me "knocked up" I've just had about enough after today. So, the clinic doesn't communicate AT ALL with me...seriously, they really suck on communicating. Example? Everyone on all these IVF forums post their E2 levels and follicle sizes.... well, I've never once been told any of this information. In a previous post I mentioned follicles...that's because while the nurse was writing in the charts I was looking at the screens and what she was writing. I would ask her questions but she told me basic answers that didn't answer my questions. I asked how many and what size and she literally just said "I can't really see the left too good, you should have a couple on that side too" Then I asked size..."it looks like a little under 10 mm"
I'm new to IVF so I wasn't really sure what I'm supposed to know or not. Reading the other stories of women I see on YouTube going threw IVF it just seems like they're so much more informed.
So today my doctor flew in from Florida to do my sonogram and go over that with me. He looks at me after first seeing the follicles I had and said, "you're progressing slow...why?" Seriously? like it's MY fault. I just said, "umm...I don't know?" So frustrating. Finally he looks and reads out the sizes to the nurse--doesn't acknowledge me at all. On my right side I have a few measure between 10-12 mm. Of course, I'm not sure if this is good or not. My left side had one at 10 mm and a couple that were 7 and 8. I peeked on my chart and seen my E2 was really low. Which, doesn't seem to be a good sign. So, my doctor upped my dosage. I will be adding an extra vial of briovelle every night. Sunday I will start ganirellix.
Oh yeah, to top things off-- when I was first brought back to the room to change for the ultrasound my nurse said to go back to the waiting room because the doctor had to step away for about 20 mins.... when I got back, I was stripping down and after like 10 seconds (before I was fully covered) the doctor and nurse just swing the door wide open and I had to make a dash for the table and get covered--so awkward!!
Ok, now here's the bad news. After the sonogram the doctor says for me to come back Monday to have another look and get more blood. I question him and say, "I'll be in Florida...we leave tonight" Then he gets really rude and says "Why?! That's way too early, you're not progressing enough to go now...you wont be ready until closer to Wednesday"
Ok, I completely understand that cycles are unpredictable and I understand that it needs to be pushed... but it's frustrating that he expected us to know that...and acted like it was no big deal for us to rearrange and be able to push this later. Keep in mind that me and R both had to get our leave of absence approved 2 weeks ahead of time and now I'm not sure if they'll give me the extra five days. Also, we had to cancel our hotel reservation--luckily, we were able to get a full refund. I also had to order more medicine... which was about $600. I counted my meds tonight when I gave myself my shot and I realized I'll need some more briovelle so It'll be another $200 when I call this weekend to have it shipped by Monday.
My nurse TEXTED me today to find out what my dosage is now...she forgot. Just thought I'd add that in there. As far as how I'm feeling, I'm really sick to my stomach...not sure if it's because I'm stressed or medicine related. I'm not really achy in my ovaries...I do feel a little bloated though (finally). It burned when I mixed the extra vial tonight I am curious if it is because I didn't add more water to it--I wasn't told to do so. I just feel like the doctor is only out for the money and doesn't really care about his patients. He probably doesn't even know my name unless he looks at a chart....no one seems to want to talk to me about this process AT ALL. It's just so upsetting that we're pouring all of this money into a situation handled by people we can't trust.
So, in the car ride home there were like 4 billboards featuring cute babies and it seemed like the radio only wanted to play songs related to kids/parents. So, I lost it. I'm just so tired. My entire fertility struggle I hardly ever cried or just had a break down. Sure, there were times when the pregnancy tests would come back negative when I swore I felt pregnant and I shed a tear or two, but I really don't cry. Today, I just let myself cry because it's the only other way I cou
ld think of handling this situation. I'm extremely friendly so of course at the doctors I thank them for everything they do and never confront them--I know I should...but that's just not the type of person I am. I'm way too nice and a bit of a pushover at times. So, now I'm still upset but at least now we are hopefully on track to leave around Wednesday. He said Monday we'd know for sure...I just hope I don't ovulate before then... because I can't fully trust my doctors judgment since this is the first day he's seen me since I've taken medication. The only time he's ever checked me out is during my HSG in which he just said "you passed the test"
So, until Monday I probably wont have anything new to report...just on a higher dosage and introducing the new shot starting Sunday morning. Tomorrow or tonight I'll have to contact my workplace to see about extending my LOA...praying that all works out. So, anyway, this is my breakdown/venting post. Every blog dealing with IVF/infertility is allowed at least ONE venting post :-) Hopefully my next post will be a much happier one.
I guess I should start off by saying I'm NOT in Florida. I SHOULD be in the car on the way but my doctor appointment didn't go as well as we had planned...
So, as thankful as I am to the clinic and my doctor for working with me to get me "knocked up" I've just had about enough after today. So, the clinic doesn't communicate AT ALL with me...seriously, they really suck on communicating. Example? Everyone on all these IVF forums post their E2 levels and follicle sizes.... well, I've never once been told any of this information. In a previous post I mentioned follicles...that's because while the nurse was writing in the charts I was looking at the screens and what she was writing. I would ask her questions but she told me basic answers that didn't answer my questions. I asked how many and what size and she literally just said "I can't really see the left too good, you should have a couple on that side too" Then I asked size..."it looks like a little under 10 mm"
I'm new to IVF so I wasn't really sure what I'm supposed to know or not. Reading the other stories of women I see on YouTube going threw IVF it just seems like they're so much more informed.
So today my doctor flew in from Florida to do my sonogram and go over that with me. He looks at me after first seeing the follicles I had and said, "you're progressing slow...why?" Seriously? like it's MY fault. I just said, "umm...I don't know?" So frustrating. Finally he looks and reads out the sizes to the nurse--doesn't acknowledge me at all. On my right side I have a few measure between 10-12 mm. Of course, I'm not sure if this is good or not. My left side had one at 10 mm and a couple that were 7 and 8. I peeked on my chart and seen my E2 was really low. Which, doesn't seem to be a good sign. So, my doctor upped my dosage. I will be adding an extra vial of briovelle every night. Sunday I will start ganirellix.
Oh yeah, to top things off-- when I was first brought back to the room to change for the ultrasound my nurse said to go back to the waiting room because the doctor had to step away for about 20 mins.... when I got back, I was stripping down and after like 10 seconds (before I was fully covered) the doctor and nurse just swing the door wide open and I had to make a dash for the table and get covered--so awkward!!
Ok, now here's the bad news. After the sonogram the doctor says for me to come back Monday to have another look and get more blood. I question him and say, "I'll be in Florida...we leave tonight" Then he gets really rude and says "Why?! That's way too early, you're not progressing enough to go now...you wont be ready until closer to Wednesday"
Ok, I completely understand that cycles are unpredictable and I understand that it needs to be pushed... but it's frustrating that he expected us to know that...and acted like it was no big deal for us to rearrange and be able to push this later. Keep in mind that me and R both had to get our leave of absence approved 2 weeks ahead of time and now I'm not sure if they'll give me the extra five days. Also, we had to cancel our hotel reservation--luckily, we were able to get a full refund. I also had to order more medicine... which was about $600. I counted my meds tonight when I gave myself my shot and I realized I'll need some more briovelle so It'll be another $200 when I call this weekend to have it shipped by Monday.
My nurse TEXTED me today to find out what my dosage is now...she forgot. Just thought I'd add that in there. As far as how I'm feeling, I'm really sick to my stomach...not sure if it's because I'm stressed or medicine related. I'm not really achy in my ovaries...I do feel a little bloated though (finally). It burned when I mixed the extra vial tonight I am curious if it is because I didn't add more water to it--I wasn't told to do so. I just feel like the doctor is only out for the money and doesn't really care about his patients. He probably doesn't even know my name unless he looks at a chart....no one seems to want to talk to me about this process AT ALL. It's just so upsetting that we're pouring all of this money into a situation handled by people we can't trust.
So, in the car ride home there were like 4 billboards featuring cute babies and it seemed like the radio only wanted to play songs related to kids/parents. So, I lost it. I'm just so tired. My entire fertility struggle I hardly ever cried or just had a break down. Sure, there were times when the pregnancy tests would come back negative when I swore I felt pregnant and I shed a tear or two, but I really don't cry. Today, I just let myself cry because it's the only other way I cou
ld think of handling this situation. I'm extremely friendly so of course at the doctors I thank them for everything they do and never confront them--I know I should...but that's just not the type of person I am. I'm way too nice and a bit of a pushover at times. So, now I'm still upset but at least now we are hopefully on track to leave around Wednesday. He said Monday we'd know for sure...I just hope I don't ovulate before then... because I can't fully trust my doctors judgment since this is the first day he's seen me since I've taken medication. The only time he's ever checked me out is during my HSG in which he just said "you passed the test"
So, until Monday I probably wont have anything new to report...just on a higher dosage and introducing the new shot starting Sunday morning. Tomorrow or tonight I'll have to contact my workplace to see about extending my LOA...praying that all works out. So, anyway, this is my breakdown/venting post. Every blog dealing with IVF/infertility is allowed at least ONE venting post :-) Hopefully my next post will be a much happier one.
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Wednesday appointment
So, I've got to be completely honest---I'm getting a little worried about this IVF cycle. This is probably due to me using google way more than I should. Today I had another sonogram....and blood work...like I'll be doing every other day until time for Florida. So, today looked just about how it looked Monday. I just have a couple follicles on each side measure just under 10 mm. I'm no IVF expert but I feel like I should be noticing some change either physically or at least on the sonograms. I still haven't needed the ganirellix to slow things down...which is surprising. My nurse was even questioning to double check that I was still taking my shots--I still am...haven't missed a single one. I figured they would up my dosage but I heard back a few hours ago and I am still sticking with my low dosage. As someone in my early 20's I assumed I'd have so many follicles...which is why I didn't question my low dosage....but now since it's obvious I'm not progressing as much as I should.... I'm wondering what my doctor has in mind with this cycle. I know I need to trust him but at this point I'm becoming a little discouraged.
I'm about to take my shot in a couple of hours, other then this update...really, nothing has changed. I have my last appointment in VA on Friday.... they said they were going to trigger but I'm really not sure my body will be ready by then.... if things are progressing slow still, there's no way I'll have any follicles ready for retrieval.
I missed work yesterday because my sister had her baby!! Baby Ally was born yesterday around 1:32 PM!! She's so cute. My nephew looks just like his daddy and my sister desperately wanted a baby who looked like her--she got her wish. She has dark hair like mommy and so, so sweet!! I was such a baby hog yesterday...I believe I got to hold her more than my sister did haha.
So, Friday I will be getting another sonogram and giving some more blood. I feel like my right vein will be ruined after this entire process...that seems to be the only one anyone uses for whatever reason. It's become knotted up and really hard... which isn't a good sign. I believe they are trying to save the left for the actual procedure but I feel like they could be creative in getting blood in other ways.... just my opinion though.
So, As much as I dread going back to work tomorrow, I'm very excited that After that I will be on my way to Florida. I can't decide if I should back tonight or tomorrow.... I work all day tomorrow so really I'll have no time. I'll be getting on after 1AM and will be up around 5AM for my doctor appointment...then that evening we'll be leaving to Florida. So, I'll really need to get a nap in after my appointment leaving really only tonight and tomorrow morning to pack up. Well, I'll be posting again possibly Friday when I arrive in Florida or if I have time before we leave.
I'm about to take my shot in a couple of hours, other then this update...really, nothing has changed. I have my last appointment in VA on Friday.... they said they were going to trigger but I'm really not sure my body will be ready by then.... if things are progressing slow still, there's no way I'll have any follicles ready for retrieval.
I missed work yesterday because my sister had her baby!! Baby Ally was born yesterday around 1:32 PM!! She's so cute. My nephew looks just like his daddy and my sister desperately wanted a baby who looked like her--she got her wish. She has dark hair like mommy and so, so sweet!! I was such a baby hog yesterday...I believe I got to hold her more than my sister did haha.
So, Friday I will be getting another sonogram and giving some more blood. I feel like my right vein will be ruined after this entire process...that seems to be the only one anyone uses for whatever reason. It's become knotted up and really hard... which isn't a good sign. I believe they are trying to save the left for the actual procedure but I feel like they could be creative in getting blood in other ways.... just my opinion though.
So, As much as I dread going back to work tomorrow, I'm very excited that After that I will be on my way to Florida. I can't decide if I should back tonight or tomorrow.... I work all day tomorrow so really I'll have no time. I'll be getting on after 1AM and will be up around 5AM for my doctor appointment...then that evening we'll be leaving to Florida. So, I'll really need to get a nap in after my appointment leaving really only tonight and tomorrow morning to pack up. Well, I'll be posting again possibly Friday when I arrive in Florida or if I have time before we leave.
Monday, September 23, 2013
Another appointment, Another shot, Another update....
Now that we are officially leaving for Florida for the IVF THIS WEEK, I'll be blogging a lot more often. Now that there is actually exciting things happening in my life. So, up until this week, it was basically a waiting game.... the only thing I was on was birth control and just had to do a lot of lab work and last minute testing to make sure genetically and physically I am good to go to be pregnant. So, today I had another ultrasound and got some blood drawn. Shots this week on my own have been going surprisingly well...and so far "R" has remembered to take his pill twice a day--so far!! haha.
So, the ultrasound showed I'm right on schedule and the meds are working. I got to see a couple follicles on each side when she checked out both ovaries. I've gotta say, I have absolutely no idea how people can read those ultrasound pictures... it really just like a television screen with awful reception... some how she managed to find everything and she pointed to things I pretended to see what she saw....all I know is that I'm right on track. So, I have to bring my ganirelix shot (just in case).... since my blood and ultrasound looked ok, they decided I didn't need to take that shot right now...but I'll be bringing it Wednesday to my next appointment. Also, they did not have to change my dosage today...so, still taking the same mixture and dosage every night at 8.
This is almost off-topic but I've got to add this part of my day since it has really been bugging me. Anyone who knows me knows I'm extremely early for EVERYTHING. Well, not today. I could have swore my appointment was at 8:30. I normally beat my nurse to every appointment and was thrown off when she was there waiting for me. I just thought she was early that morning. I get home and discover my appointment was at 8...not 8:30 so I feel awful for being 20 minutes late. My next appointment I will probably have to give her the full explanation--she actually never mentioned me being late but it's one of those things that will bug me if I don't tell her about the mix-up.
My nurse in VA and FL are both awesome. I've got to say, my only complaint is today blood getting taken hurt pretty bad--which is really unusual for me. I take pain pretty well... as long as I don't see the needle, I usually don't even feel anything. My nurse has shaky hands...I sort of thought it would be a bit more painful but oh my goodness, it was rough. I'm pretty sure they're not going to be able to use that vein on Wednesday....I just hope she doesn't mess up both veins because I will be needing a good one again on Friday and all the next week leading up to IVF!!
And on that note, I will end this blog with an update on my younger sister.... who is being induced the same day I will be leaving--this Friday. I spent the day with her and my sister trying all these different methods to induce labor. Not to make this all about me....but I need that baby out before I go to FL. I want to at least hold her once before I leave....it's a good possibility she has her before Friday...she said she's been feeling pressure and she's all the way down so she's ready to come....I just really hope little girl cooperates for her favorite aunt. :-)
And, I will probably be updating again after my appointment on Wednesday. I have SO much to do this week between school, work, and leaving for Florida....somehow I will manage to get a blog post in there some where :-)
So, the ultrasound showed I'm right on schedule and the meds are working. I got to see a couple follicles on each side when she checked out both ovaries. I've gotta say, I have absolutely no idea how people can read those ultrasound pictures... it really just like a television screen with awful reception... some how she managed to find everything and she pointed to things I pretended to see what she saw....all I know is that I'm right on track. So, I have to bring my ganirelix shot (just in case).... since my blood and ultrasound looked ok, they decided I didn't need to take that shot right now...but I'll be bringing it Wednesday to my next appointment. Also, they did not have to change my dosage today...so, still taking the same mixture and dosage every night at 8.
This is almost off-topic but I've got to add this part of my day since it has really been bugging me. Anyone who knows me knows I'm extremely early for EVERYTHING. Well, not today. I could have swore my appointment was at 8:30. I normally beat my nurse to every appointment and was thrown off when she was there waiting for me. I just thought she was early that morning. I get home and discover my appointment was at 8...not 8:30 so I feel awful for being 20 minutes late. My next appointment I will probably have to give her the full explanation--she actually never mentioned me being late but it's one of those things that will bug me if I don't tell her about the mix-up.
My nurse in VA and FL are both awesome. I've got to say, my only complaint is today blood getting taken hurt pretty bad--which is really unusual for me. I take pain pretty well... as long as I don't see the needle, I usually don't even feel anything. My nurse has shaky hands...I sort of thought it would be a bit more painful but oh my goodness, it was rough. I'm pretty sure they're not going to be able to use that vein on Wednesday....I just hope she doesn't mess up both veins because I will be needing a good one again on Friday and all the next week leading up to IVF!!
And on that note, I will end this blog with an update on my younger sister.... who is being induced the same day I will be leaving--this Friday. I spent the day with her and my sister trying all these different methods to induce labor. Not to make this all about me....but I need that baby out before I go to FL. I want to at least hold her once before I leave....it's a good possibility she has her before Friday...she said she's been feeling pressure and she's all the way down so she's ready to come....I just really hope little girl cooperates for her favorite aunt. :-)
And, I will probably be updating again after my appointment on Wednesday. I have SO much to do this week between school, work, and leaving for Florida....somehow I will manage to get a blog post in there some where :-)
Thursday, September 19, 2013
First Shot!!
Today I had to take off work because of a doctor appointment. Today's appointment consisted of paying $1,500 to finalize the IVF cycle and I also had a sonogram to check for cyst (none found on either ovary). Also, I learned how to give myself shots. On top of that, I gave myself my first shot. Now, I don't normally mind shots or giving blood-- as long as I don't have to watch. So, I was very nervous giving myself the first shot. After the training, she offered to give me my shot but I told her if I didn't do it then with her watching...I'd never do it on my own. So, I sucked it up and after just a few (or 20) seconds of talking myself into it-- I just stuck the needle in and it actually wasn't as bad as I thought. It wasn't so painful where it took my breath away...it was a little sore though.
So, anyone who has actually gone threw IVF or familiar with the medications...the two I did today with the Bravelle and Menopur. Just for those who aren't familiar with these...basically they both come in a box... a vial of powder...a vial of the liquid solution. So, my dosage is two of the bravelle powders and one of the menupurs. I basically just took some of the solution (1/2 cc) and shot it into one of the powders, sucked it up....dumped into another powder....sucked it up....mixed in the last one... brought it all back in the syringe and changed the needle to a smaller one.... then shot it into my stomach... a little below my belly button. I see on youtube everyone standing up and doing it.... my nurse told me to just sit and do it...not sure if that makes a difference but it really wasn't so bad and I felt more in control that way.
So, I will be doing the shots on my own every night on my own sometime around 8pm. I work until 1am every night so, I'll keep the stuff in my office to do it on breaks. Hubby also has to take doxycycline twice a day--starting today. He has terrible memory so I have to remind myself and him to take our meds when we need to. Now that we have the dates set in stone, I will be making the arrangements for our suite in Florida. I'll enjoy going to the beach for over a week but I'm not sure how much sight seeing I'll be able to do.
My little sister is being induced on the 27th of this month....the same night we leave. That's also my last sonogram appointment to make sure I'm good to go for egg retrieval before we head to Florida. Hubby's birthday is on the 28th. Since we leave the night of the 27th, I'm going to stay at the hospital until time to leave in hopes of seeing my new niece before time to go.
Next appointments are Monday, Wednesday, and Friday of next week. Until then, it's just shots a night for me, and the antibiotics for "R." If there are any noticeable changes, I'll try to blog about it...so far I haven't felt any side effects from the shots...my nurse mentioned by next week I may feel a little pain from the follicles but it shouldn't be too bad--we'll see. :-)
Until next time...xoxo
So, anyone who has actually gone threw IVF or familiar with the medications...the two I did today with the Bravelle and Menopur. Just for those who aren't familiar with these...basically they both come in a box... a vial of powder...a vial of the liquid solution. So, my dosage is two of the bravelle powders and one of the menupurs. I basically just took some of the solution (1/2 cc) and shot it into one of the powders, sucked it up....dumped into another powder....sucked it up....mixed in the last one... brought it all back in the syringe and changed the needle to a smaller one.... then shot it into my stomach... a little below my belly button. I see on youtube everyone standing up and doing it.... my nurse told me to just sit and do it...not sure if that makes a difference but it really wasn't so bad and I felt more in control that way.
So, I will be doing the shots on my own every night on my own sometime around 8pm. I work until 1am every night so, I'll keep the stuff in my office to do it on breaks. Hubby also has to take doxycycline twice a day--starting today. He has terrible memory so I have to remind myself and him to take our meds when we need to. Now that we have the dates set in stone, I will be making the arrangements for our suite in Florida. I'll enjoy going to the beach for over a week but I'm not sure how much sight seeing I'll be able to do.
My little sister is being induced on the 27th of this month....the same night we leave. That's also my last sonogram appointment to make sure I'm good to go for egg retrieval before we head to Florida. Hubby's birthday is on the 28th. Since we leave the night of the 27th, I'm going to stay at the hospital until time to leave in hopes of seeing my new niece before time to go.
Next appointments are Monday, Wednesday, and Friday of next week. Until then, it's just shots a night for me, and the antibiotics for "R." If there are any noticeable changes, I'll try to blog about it...so far I haven't felt any side effects from the shots...my nurse mentioned by next week I may feel a little pain from the follicles but it shouldn't be too bad--we'll see. :-)
Until next time...xoxo
Friday, August 30, 2013
Medications and HSG
Today you're getting a two-in-one blog! Today I had my HSG. For those of you who don't know what that is....well, to spare you all the personal details.... they basically injected dye into me to see if there were any blockages in my tubes. Apparently my tubes look perfect. Other than some terrible cramping, I'm good to go-- I have to work tonight so, not looking fun to that.
My medication also came in this week! This was such a long process. So, my doctor ordered my prescriptions from a pharmacy. My insurance company sent me a letter telling me I could get three approved from their pharmacy. So, I split the order.... after at least 20 calls to each pharmacy, they finally got it figured out (minus the one my doctor forgot to prescribe...that will be arriving soon).
Now, let's talk about what everyone is most curious about when discussing IVF....costs. Like I mentioned earlier in my blog, the procedure is completely free for me. However, medications and other costs are what I am responsible for. So, just to summarize what I've spent JUST this WEEK.... About $3,000 in the fertility medications (seriously....). The HSG was covered by my insurance and still costs $300. Each appointment I go to will be $40 for my copay. I estimate at least 25 appointments with just this doctor. Anesthesia will be about $400. And the ICSI is $1,000.
Now, let's talk about other costs-- storage fees for the spare embryos..... that will be $1,500 plus a couple hundred every year. Also, if I need assisted hatching or anything extra, this will also be out of pocket. Of course, we wont know what will be needed until the actual day of IFV.
Some really exciting news we learned today is our IVF dates! We will arrive in Florida on September 28th (which also happens to be "R's" birthday). We will be coming home October 6th. This is a lot longer than we originally thought so we are both in the process of working out something with both of our workplaces. Hopefully I am eligible for a medical leave of absence.
My next appointment will be September 19th. From here, I'll learn how to mix my medicines and do the injections myself--something I am completely freaked out by. I have a pretty high tolerance for pain but I'm only ok with shots and giving blood if I DON'T look. Not sure how this is going to work. Of course, I know it'll be worth it in the end.
These past couple have weeks have been insane, and very expensive (and slightly painful). However, it's still really exciting and it's so strange to think within the next month or so I could be making appointments to check in on our little IVF baby. I'll post again after my appointment...or before, if anything exciting happens. :-)
--Chele
My medication also came in this week! This was such a long process. So, my doctor ordered my prescriptions from a pharmacy. My insurance company sent me a letter telling me I could get three approved from their pharmacy. So, I split the order.... after at least 20 calls to each pharmacy, they finally got it figured out (minus the one my doctor forgot to prescribe...that will be arriving soon).
Now, let's talk about what everyone is most curious about when discussing IVF....costs. Like I mentioned earlier in my blog, the procedure is completely free for me. However, medications and other costs are what I am responsible for. So, just to summarize what I've spent JUST this WEEK.... About $3,000 in the fertility medications (seriously....). The HSG was covered by my insurance and still costs $300. Each appointment I go to will be $40 for my copay. I estimate at least 25 appointments with just this doctor. Anesthesia will be about $400. And the ICSI is $1,000.
Now, let's talk about other costs-- storage fees for the spare embryos..... that will be $1,500 plus a couple hundred every year. Also, if I need assisted hatching or anything extra, this will also be out of pocket. Of course, we wont know what will be needed until the actual day of IFV.
Some really exciting news we learned today is our IVF dates! We will arrive in Florida on September 28th (which also happens to be "R's" birthday). We will be coming home October 6th. This is a lot longer than we originally thought so we are both in the process of working out something with both of our workplaces. Hopefully I am eligible for a medical leave of absence.
My next appointment will be September 19th. From here, I'll learn how to mix my medicines and do the injections myself--something I am completely freaked out by. I have a pretty high tolerance for pain but I'm only ok with shots and giving blood if I DON'T look. Not sure how this is going to work. Of course, I know it'll be worth it in the end.
These past couple have weeks have been insane, and very expensive (and slightly painful). However, it's still really exciting and it's so strange to think within the next month or so I could be making appointments to check in on our little IVF baby. I'll post again after my appointment...or before, if anything exciting happens. :-)
--Chele
Monday, July 22, 2013
IVF consultation?
So, today was the long awaited day-- my first visit with my IVF doctor. I was really expecting this huge process, at least 2 hours worth of test and questions. This didn't happen. So, I'm not even sure what I just did was really considered a consultation. Basically, he reviewed mine and "R's" medical history. Then, he gave us a run-down on a time frame and asked if we'd like to do the IVF in September. This actually worked out perfect for me because the soonest I'd even be able to be considered a day off from work would be Aug.30. Anyway, he went ahead and put me on B.C. and scheduled me for another appointment the end of next moth--bright and early in the morning so I wouldn't miss work. The doctor is over an hour away so, it'll be an early morning. In the meantime, he said he is ordering my medication from a pharmacy, and gave me some background info on that... Apparently I'll be contacted by that pharmacy with an estimate for the cost of it all. At the next appointment, in August, I have to bring in what is shipped to me so he can show me how to do injections and give me a calendar telling me how and when to take which which medications. I'll have to get back to you on the price we end up paying for the medications-- luckily, my insurance will cover some of it. Today, he gave us the price of ICSI--assuming we need to do this ($1,500). The storage fees of my leftover embryos that cannot be implanted will also be $1,500...then a few hundred a year after that. SO worth paying the storage fees since I do plan on using the extras.... and I will NOT be destroying them...I know people have their own opinions on this and judge those who do IVF... Personally, I am pro-life and the embryos--frozen, implanted, or any other version are my babies... not something I plan to destroy. ANYWAY,I will also need to pay for my own anesthesia for when they do the egg retrieval. This isn't required-- as some people have a terrible, sometimes life threatening reaction to it. I've never had to be put to sleep and although it scares me, it is something I WILL be paying for and using... I hear it's quite the painful experience without it.
Random daily occurrence: The birth of the royal baby BOY was announced while I was waiting to be seen by the doctor. Talk about strange timing, right?
I wish I could share more about what happened, but seriously, it seems like this blog took longer to type than the time I was actually seen by the doctor. Apparently there's not much to really do until the medicine comes in. This is probably because me and "R" have already done so many test and are both currently seen by a doctor who sent over our information... the doctor didn't really need to test us to find out what was wrong since we already knew. However, he did mention we'd both be tested again next visit. Maybe that one will be longer than this one. I guess that is all I really needed to update today-- my next post will be the end of next month, unless something exciting happens before then. :-)
Random daily occurrence: The birth of the royal baby BOY was announced while I was waiting to be seen by the doctor. Talk about strange timing, right?
I wish I could share more about what happened, but seriously, it seems like this blog took longer to type than the time I was actually seen by the doctor. Apparently there's not much to really do until the medicine comes in. This is probably because me and "R" have already done so many test and are both currently seen by a doctor who sent over our information... the doctor didn't really need to test us to find out what was wrong since we already knew. However, he did mention we'd both be tested again next visit. Maybe that one will be longer than this one. I guess that is all I really needed to update today-- my next post will be the end of next month, unless something exciting happens before then. :-)
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Baby Psychics
I have always been extremely impatient. In one of the online TTC baby groups I am in, they were talking about getting a fertility reading. A fertility psychic usually predicts the month you will conceive/give birth/find out you're expecting. Now, as a Christian, I have very strong opinions about what I involve myself with. Until this point, I don't play any games or do anything that could be considered witch craft. And of course, some people will have ugly comments to say if they heard that I spoke to a fertility psychic, and that's ok. BUT, I should point out that the only reason I did it is because I was curious...it was done strictly for entertainment purposes only. Also, the lady is not a devil worshiper or anything like that. It's just something for fun, nothing like evil or anything like that. To get to the point, I'll just copy and paste exactly what she says. Keep in mind, this is what SHE typed, so there are some spelling and grammatical errors.
"Thanks for being patient with me while I got back to your reading. They are showing me a GIRL and JULY so this is either birth month, conceive month or the month you find out in
They are showing a girl who looks alot like you as a baby. They are showing the same lips and eyes, her hair being darker, and just head covering. I am given the impression that shes going to be in the 8lb range at birth and just seems like shes always content to do "whatever". They are showing her sitting up, appears to be around the age of 8 months, is playing with her toys and I am seeing a kids show on the tv (more about background noise, but she does watchbits/pieces of it). They are showing her quite comfortable if you leave the room for a minute to go and put the laundry away.. shes okay if you go and make dinner.. other times will come crawling after you not because she demands to be picked up, but because she is curious as to what your doing
Shes always happy. IT just seems like shes always smiling and never seems to fuss. You will find that its more about interaction with her and does not mind whatever you guys are doing. She has these beautiful eyes that clearly display the emotion shes feeling. Although as she gets older shes more about holding it in a bit more and not wanting kids to see how she feels if she is feeling hurt. You will find that she has a tough outer shell and yet is sensitive on the inside (which you seem to be able to see/sense more than anyone).
Shes going to enjoy playing with friends but prefers more even balanced relationships. Avoids people who are too demanding and never seem to want to give anything in return.
When ti comes to career paths, they are showing her working in an administrative type position. This seems to be more of the front runner to the company as well.
When ti comes to marriage I am seeing her closer to 26. They will have two girls and one boy of their own"
"Thanks for being patient with me while I got back to your reading. They are showing me a GIRL and JULY so this is either birth month, conceive month or the month you find out in
Shes always happy. IT just seems like shes always smiling and never seems to fuss. You will find that its more about interaction with her and does not mind whatever you guys are doing. She has these beautiful eyes that clearly display the emotion shes feeling. Although as she gets older shes more about holding it in a bit more and not wanting kids to see how she feels if she is feeling hurt. You will find that she has a tough outer shell and yet is sensitive on the inside (which you seem to be able to see/sense more than anyone).
Shes going to enjoy playing with friends but prefers more even balanced relationships. Avoids people who are too demanding and never seem to want to give anything in return.
When ti comes to career paths, they are showing her working in an administrative type position. This seems to be more of the front runner to the company as well.
When ti comes to marriage I am seeing her closer to 26. They will have two girls and one boy of their own"
Not to brag or anything (lies) but, doesn't my kid sound awesome? It's strange, but I sort of miss the idea of her and wish she were here even more. So, now I'm even more impatient (if that's possible). Let me be clear, though. I really don't care about gender or what month she/he will get here. I don't pray asking for a little girl who never fusses. I just pray for a healthy baby, when God says it's the right time.
FUN FACT: Two other psychics have predicted in the past that I will conceive early fall. I go for IVF next month and will probably start the process early fall. All of this lines up with a July birthday baby. How exciting is that? If anything, it will keep me positive through the whole process. I'll post again after my IVF consultation at the end of July--if not before then. :-)
Thursday, May 16, 2013
A "bump" in the road...
So, there's we've come across a slight bump in the process... unfortunately it's not the type of bump normally associated with babies. These past couple of weeks I have been losing sleep over how excited I am for my appointment scheduled for tomorrow. I have watched every single IVF vlog on youtube, read every site with information, and filled out countless stacks of medical history papers. I am all prepped and ready to go. "R" took the weekend off, we even skipped our beach trip we planned this weekend and is missing a wedding because of the appointment.
Long story short, I receive a phone call from the doctor's office. I am so happy to answer, thinking it's a simple reminder about my appointment. So, she informs me they have to reschedule my appointment for the last week in July. She acted like there was absolutely no big deal about this switch up. Well, this is a huge disappointment to me. By July, I was expecting to be expecting... now I have to go threw the entire process again. "R" will have to take off work...AGAIN. It has just been a huge bump in our whole plans. Anyway, I was expecting my next update to be tomorrow about my appointment. However, I guess it will be until July before I update this blog.
However, God will see us through, like always. Who knows, I could get a call tomorrow saying they can fit me in...stranger things have happened. You know, like the free round of IVF...:-O
Sorry for the sad update, however...things happen for a reason. I trust God is doing what is best for us, no worries. :-)
Long story short, I receive a phone call from the doctor's office. I am so happy to answer, thinking it's a simple reminder about my appointment. So, she informs me they have to reschedule my appointment for the last week in July. She acted like there was absolutely no big deal about this switch up. Well, this is a huge disappointment to me. By July, I was expecting to be expecting... now I have to go threw the entire process again. "R" will have to take off work...AGAIN. It has just been a huge bump in our whole plans. Anyway, I was expecting my next update to be tomorrow about my appointment. However, I guess it will be until July before I update this blog.
However, God will see us through, like always. Who knows, I could get a call tomorrow saying they can fit me in...stranger things have happened. You know, like the free round of IVF...:-O
Sorry for the sad update, however...things happen for a reason. I trust God is doing what is best for us, no worries. :-)
Monday, April 29, 2013
Our journey to you...
As I first sat down to write this blog, I wanted to entitle it "Our Journey To You" of course, like all good names, that one was taken. I also had to think about what type of journey this would be...would this be an adoption blog? A pregnancy blog? What would this blog be? Perhaps I should start from the beginning of my story. This isn't just an ordinary story, though. This is a GOD story. What is a God story? You know, sometimes you just hear things that are just so incredible, something God has done for you and it's something you HAVE to share with the world. In my case, I chose to do so in the form of a blog. Here's my VERY PERSONAL story:
The summer after my first year of college I was married to an incredible person--let's call him "R." R and I knew each other pretty well and both decided to start a family right away. We both love children and couldn't think of anything that would make us happier than starting a family. Fast forward to now--three years later and still no children.
I'm not the type of person who gets really personal with my life...however, something I just felt like I should share. Now, you must understand that under normal circumstances I would not be sharing my personal life. However, God is doing something incredible and I have to share what he's done for me.
So, to skip all of the really intimate details of the process, R and I both had went to several doctors, took several medications, and had just about every test done in the book.
One day I was checking into fertility doctors and came across an incredible doctor who was on a TV show offering a free round of IVF. To be honest, I never realistically considered IVF an option because of the fear of anesthesia...I know, I know....but I am scared to death of being put to sleep. I watch way too much TV. However, I did consider other options...and was in the process of setting up an appointment to see what was the right option for myself and R. Well, I entered the contest anyway because...what's the chances of winning? Well, no surprise, I didn't get the round of IVF. A month went by, and I decided God would work things out--no worries. At church yesterday the preacher spoke of having faith...the devil doesn't like when we don't get upset over things not going our way. So, I decided not to be upset anymore...not to worry because I was already so blessed.
Now, here's where the big story starts. Today, I received a message stating that the women who won the free round of IVF was pregnant. What's incredible about this is, that woman was also having fertility problems. What are the odds of that happening naturally right as soon as she's going in for IVF?! Anyway, this is where it gets interesting... they decided to look for a replacement winner. Any guesses who won? Yeah, I was pretty shocked to receive that bit of news and I cannot get over how thankful I am...God is incredible. Of course I am nervous about the entire process but, it will be so worth it.
I know, anything can happen. It's possible it wont happen. IVF is NOT what this blog is about. I've decided that no matter how, I will become a mother someday. Whether that is 9 months from now or 9 years from now--adoption, natural, or some other way. God answers prayers. So, that's how we started this journey. I'm sure it will be a very emotional and exhausting journey. But, there's a reason the blog is entitled Our FAITHFUL journey.
We see the awesome doctor in a couple of weeks and I will pick up the story from there. This is the start of an incredible journey. Our FAITHFUL journey, to you.
The summer after my first year of college I was married to an incredible person--let's call him "R." R and I knew each other pretty well and both decided to start a family right away. We both love children and couldn't think of anything that would make us happier than starting a family. Fast forward to now--three years later and still no children.
I'm not the type of person who gets really personal with my life...however, something I just felt like I should share. Now, you must understand that under normal circumstances I would not be sharing my personal life. However, God is doing something incredible and I have to share what he's done for me.
So, to skip all of the really intimate details of the process, R and I both had went to several doctors, took several medications, and had just about every test done in the book.
One day I was checking into fertility doctors and came across an incredible doctor who was on a TV show offering a free round of IVF. To be honest, I never realistically considered IVF an option because of the fear of anesthesia...I know, I know....but I am scared to death of being put to sleep. I watch way too much TV. However, I did consider other options...and was in the process of setting up an appointment to see what was the right option for myself and R. Well, I entered the contest anyway because...what's the chances of winning? Well, no surprise, I didn't get the round of IVF. A month went by, and I decided God would work things out--no worries. At church yesterday the preacher spoke of having faith...the devil doesn't like when we don't get upset over things not going our way. So, I decided not to be upset anymore...not to worry because I was already so blessed.
Now, here's where the big story starts. Today, I received a message stating that the women who won the free round of IVF was pregnant. What's incredible about this is, that woman was also having fertility problems. What are the odds of that happening naturally right as soon as she's going in for IVF?! Anyway, this is where it gets interesting... they decided to look for a replacement winner. Any guesses who won? Yeah, I was pretty shocked to receive that bit of news and I cannot get over how thankful I am...God is incredible. Of course I am nervous about the entire process but, it will be so worth it.
I know, anything can happen. It's possible it wont happen. IVF is NOT what this blog is about. I've decided that no matter how, I will become a mother someday. Whether that is 9 months from now or 9 years from now--adoption, natural, or some other way. God answers prayers. So, that's how we started this journey. I'm sure it will be a very emotional and exhausting journey. But, there's a reason the blog is entitled Our FAITHFUL journey.
We see the awesome doctor in a couple of weeks and I will pick up the story from there. This is the start of an incredible journey. Our FAITHFUL journey, to you.
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